i want to run away…but like in ghibli movie. like i take a block of cheese a loaf of bread and some apples and wander through the flower-specked mountains wrapped up in a shawl and i happen to wander into a moving castle and fall in love with a cute wizard
me (deep in the woods, dragging dufflebag of Kraft Singles™
and hopelessly lost): where’s totoro
to the american girl that called out ‘wow that girl is fucking ugly look at her’ when i got on the bus, who then proceeded to say ‘don’t worry, they don’t speak english in the uk’ when her friend told her to shush cause i might hear.
in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y'all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!
With this in mind, this also makes me think of the ways people describe us. When people say the reasons that they love/like you or describe you as a person, are they only naming ways that you serve them? Are they equating your worth with how much you do for them?
ex. “You’re such a good listener. You’re so generous, you’re so compassionate. You’re always there for me. You always hold me down. You’re reliable”
vs.
“You’re so funny! You’re very vibrant. You’re creative, passionate, and intelligent. You’re optimistic. You’re so talented at ____” , etc. I think that’s very telling.
the male version of the “can I speak to the manager” lady
you know what he looks like
Howard Birch, age 65. Methodist. Still wears his high school football ring, Class of ‘71. Worked at the paper mill until retiring. Mostly fishes, occasionally hunts.
